Optimistic Water


At my office, we have bottled water. We’re thankful to have it. It tastes pretty much like water (much better than the tap water in Muskegon) and does all the things that water is supposed to do. Lately lots of major softdrink manufacturers have started pushing their particular take on water. They’ve come up with cool slogans like:
Dasani (coke) Make your mouth water
Aquafina (pepsi) Make your body happy, drink more water.

The bottled water at our office is incredibly optimistic about it’s hydrating properties.
“(H2O) molecules form complex patterns by grouping and clumping together into “clusters”. By controlling the size of these clusters, H2 Ultra Fitness Water improves the absorption of water into the body. Resulting in Ultra Hydration for Metabolic Efficiency. You no longer have to drink gallons upon gallons to get your daily allowance. Two bottles a day will make you more hydrated than you’ve felt in a long time. And there is a great taste too!”

It’s really good – I like it very much. I can’t say that I feel differently by drinkiing two .5 liter bottles than I do when I drink 3 12oz bottles, but man it’s a lot easier to drink two than it is three.
(36 US fluid ounces = 1.06464707 liter)

What cracks me up is this note on the box. It’s not “best if used by” or “freshness date”, it says “enjoy by”. That’s really nice don’t you think?

…maybe it’s just me.

Brian Atkinson

Brian is an international and inspirational speaker, consultant, and voice artist. Brian has served as the Director of Digital Communications at American Bible Society, and the Director of Digital Media at The Bible Gateway (Gospel Communications International). He has worked as a communications director, technology manager, church-planter, radio announcer, welder, and ice cream man. He has a lot of t-shirts.

Posted in Brian-Food
2 comments on “Optimistic Water
  1. Steve C says:

    I never understand why water has a “best by” date. It’s freaking water! Are they hoping we’re so conditioned to obey those dates that we’d pour out perfectly good water just because the bottle says it’s past its date? Is it for release of legal liability, in case some wacko tries to sue them in a few years for illness caused by unfresh water? Really, why does water need a freshness date?

    Maybe it’s just ME….

  2. Hey cool – it’s not just ME for once!
    That’s exactly my point Steve. Soda goes bad, and it doesn’t take very long, believe me! And if I’m to belive the Budweiser “freshness” ads, beer gets “skunky”. But water? Come now. That’s just silly.