All Coked Up

The pause that refreshes
… and a smile

I’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.
I’d like to buy the world a Coke, and keep it company.

First of all, I can’t believe that they actually used that song in a commercial for Coke when I was a kid. Second, I really like an icy-cold Coke. Coke has a hierarchy, a holy declension of brisk, sweet, caramel-colored cola goodness.

I am not talking about Pepsi, RC, or any store-brand cola-beverage, I’m talking about Coke. The imitations simply can’t compare.

1) Coke in a glass bottle.
Something happened when Coke moved from glass to plastic. Sure, there were far fewer incidents of foaming shards in the grocery store parking lot, and the shelves in the soda aisle stopped making that sticky-gritty sound whenever you moved anything, but was that safety and convenience worth the price? There is no finer imbibment that a 16 oz or 1/2 L glass bottle of “The Real Thing”. Now, it’s only available in the crummy 10 oz variety or from Mexico.

2) McDonald’s Coke
I can’t explain this one, except to say that our favorite Scottish joint gets points for consistency and formula. They have perfected the fountain coke.

3) Coke from a plastic bottle, poured over ice, served in a glass.
This is as close to the #1 as possible, but it’s not the same.

4) Coke from a 20 oz plastic bottle.
Recently I also had a 24 oz bottle that stood up nicely without going to the full 1 L, which, in my opinion, is a waste.

5) Coke in a can.
The aluminum seems to taint the flavor more than the plastic. There are those that disagree with me strongly, they can get their own blog and make their own list.

6) Any fountain Coke in any container.
From the Styrofoam at a gas station to the wax-covered super-big-gulp carton to the “bottomless softdrinks” at any eatery, Coke from a fountain (with the exception of #2 above) is disappointing. It’s still better than #7.

7) Coke at a bar.
I don’t know what they do to it, but it’s wrong.
It’s like kissing your sister, going up the down escalator, plundering the rainforest, pulling the wings off of flies, or Pepsi. It tastes like someone used the nozzle that mixes the syrup and carbonated water to siphon leaded gas from the neighbor’s car in the ’70s and hasn’t bothered to clean it since.

…maybe it’s just me.

2 Replies to “All Coked Up”

  1. Brian, you need to come visit me in California.

    In n’ Out Burger has the absolute best tasting fountain Coke I’ve ever had. I suspect the reason has something in common with the rest of In n’ Out’s food – they are known for using only fresh, never frozen ingredients. (Even the french fries are fresh cut by a big burly guy every half hour or so.) Somehow the Coke just tastes more pure there.

    Come visit and I’ll treat!

    Oh, and watch for Kosher Coke around Passover… it’s made with real sugar. Mmmmmmmmm….

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